Breast Implications #5: Creative Work

Since today is a lazy Sunday for me and might be for others as well, I decided to make today's edition of "Breast Implications" all about some of the creative pieces we included in our zine. We have a poem, a funny re-make of a song, and a recipe in store!

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New Boobs by Lynski*

It must have been tough to be teased by your peers
As you were doomed to a life in training brazziers
Flapjacks and "AA" the usual taunts
But soon you'll have perfect jugs you can flaunt

As you have decided to go under the knife
Think what a difference it'll make to your life
After the surgery when you wake up
Instead of 2 saucers you'll see a C cup

As you are snuggled in your private room
Your head will be swimming with thoughts of bazooms
You'll throw out the small bras with a great cheer
For hope of the bigger ones soon to appear

Boobs, breasts or hooters you'll have 2 of the best
But be warned it is painful if you're thumped in the chest
It'll be hard not to laugh when you see your new swellers
Bouncing about as you ride your fella

You can try your new bra that you bought in the town
You'll hardly believe it when you finally look down
And see for the first time your cleavage will meet
But don't be alarmed if you can't see your feet

Finally with boobs when you lay down at night
If you find they have vanished you may bet a fright
Don't panic if you can't see your dream pair of tits
They haven't gone far, their in your armpits.

*written for a friend about to undergo breast implant surgery.

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Do Your Boobs Hang Low?

Do your boobs hang low? Do they wobble to a fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do your boobs hang low?

Do your boobs hang high? Do they reach up to the sky? Do they droop when they are wet? Do they stiffen when they're dry? Can you semaphore your neighbor with a minimum of labour? Do your boobs hang high?

Do your boobs flip-flop? Can you use them for a mop? Are they stringy at the bottom? Are they curly at the top? Can you use them for a swatter? Can you use them for a blotter? Do your boobs flip-flop?

Do your boobs hang out? Can you waggle them about? Can you flip them up and down as you fly around the town? Can you shut them up for sure when you hear an awful bore? Do your boobs hang out?

Do your boobs stretch wide? Do they reach from side to side? Can you use them as a parachute or wings that let you glide? Can you cast a cooling shadow over most of Colorado? Do your boobs stretch wide?

Are your boobs too big? Are they heavy as a pig? Do they bruise your cerebellum when you dance an Irish jig? Can they function as the anchors for a fleet of oil tankers? Are your boobs too big?

Are your boobs real small? Barely visible at all? Do they look just like two peanuts stuck onto a bowling ball? Can you store them in a thimble when you're feeling rather nimble? Are your boobs real small?

Are your boobs quite clean? Do they have a lovely sheen? Did you harvest all the vegetables that grow down in between? Did you wash out all the soil after all your farming toil? Are your boobs quite clean?

Are your boobs too thin? Do the breezes make 'em spin? Can you shine a light right through tem like the finest onionskin? Can you wrap up a salami? Do they fold like origami? Are your boobs too thin?

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Boob Cookies Recipe

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup butter
• 3/4 cup peanut butter
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• 1/3 cup granulated sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 2 tbsp. milk
• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 48 Hershey kisses

Directions:

1. Preheat over to 375 degrees
2. In bowl, cream the butter. Add peanut butter and sugars until light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla extract. Beat in milk.
3. In separate bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and salt.
4. Add dry ingredients to peanut butter mixture. Beat until incorporated.
5. Cover and chill batter for an hour.
6. Roll batter into 1 inch round balls. Roll each ball in a bowl of granulated sugar. Place on baking sheet about 2 inches apart.
7. Bake 8-10 minutes. Immediately upon removing from oven, place chocolate kiss in center of each cookie

Makes about 4 dozen cookies!